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Main Archives Stories Category: Elderly

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1
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As senior citizens, my wife and I support each others memory,

or lack of it.  One night while sitting at the kitchen table

we were chatting about garden chores.  It remended me of something

I had to get from the garage.  When I got to the door, my mind

went blank.  I returned to the table a asked my wife what it

was I was going to get.  She looked up at me with a curious

stare and asked, "Just who in the hell are you?"

Sent by E. R S

2
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Four elderly ladies were driving in a car. One of the 
ladies in the car, Rosa, had a heavy hispanic accent.  "As we 
drove thru the industrial area, Rosa said, 'Hey, that's where 
they make the Huge Measles!'  We all looked at each other, 
confused, for a moment before we realized we were going past 
the 'Hughes Missle' plant."

3
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Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble 
they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was closed for lack of evidence. 


4
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Super Granny - Defender Of Justice

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

5
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and 
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I 
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

6
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There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her
what is wrong in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this senior
citizen handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor
for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this roomful of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the
doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,
if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several
minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

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