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Main Archives Stories Category: Gays and Lesbians

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1
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I had to go through a needle location biopsy recently.
This involves putting a 6 inch needle through a most sensitive
part of a woman's anatomy.  I had to sit there alone with
this thing pierced through my anatomy and I wondered, "Is
this how a whale feels?"  It occured to me, "I'm big, I'm 
white, I'm gay, and I have been harpooned!  That must make
me Moby Dyke!" My friends now call me "MD".

2
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"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors
in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski , and
his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admittedfor
emergency treatment after a fetching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil,
in," he explained. "As usual Kiki shouted out 'Armagedon," my cue that
he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out
again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light
might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened
next, "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out
the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair severely burning his face,. It
also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out
like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken
nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second
degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. 

3
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A 20 year old man came to casualty with a stony mass in his rectum. 
He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete 
mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his 
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and 
pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's 
rectum was removed, along with a stray ping-pong ball! 


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