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Today's stories [9.28.20]

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Joseph Schwartz, a career criminal, was wanted for looting in
Israel's port city, Haifa.  On the A.P.B. Wanted poster, he was
described as the  son of an ex-nun from Spain and a German father. 
It went on to  include  the facts that he was a musician adept at
the piccolo and often  worked as  a farmhand.
 
In other words... he was a Haifa lootin', flutin' Teuton, son of a
nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe...

1. 




A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather
coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for
a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders
of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist
his head off. The passer-by was treated at a local
hospital for a sprained neck.

2. 




A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a haemorrhoid 
problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus and 
he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell. On 
this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it 
but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called in 
the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the 
man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be removed. 

3. 



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