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When I was a kid, my favourite relative was Uncle Caveman. After
school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he
would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncle Caveman was a bear.
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big
crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and
flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.
I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with
urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another
cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."
When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed
it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each
other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone.
"Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even
bigger man to laugh at that man.
- Jack Handey, Saturday Night Live
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