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Main Archives Quotes Category: Mark Twain

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* Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain

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"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
       shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain." -- Mark
       Twain (1835-1910)

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When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent
       my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded
       how much he had learned in the last seven years. -- Mark Twain

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"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and
       remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

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I never let schooling interfere with my education

                                           --Mark Twain


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  "When you prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned
  results which follow victory.... [God] commandeth me to put it into
  words.  Listen!

  ".... O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody
  shreds with our shells... help us to drown the thunder of the
  guns with the shrieks of the wounded, writhing in pain; help us to
  lay waste their homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring
  the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help
  us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander
  unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and
  thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter,
  broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge
  of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord,
  blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage,
  make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the
  white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!  We ask it, in the
  spirit of love, of Him who is the Source of Love, and Who is the 
  ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and
  seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.  Amen."

      --Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens) 1835-1910; "The War Prayer,"
        from _Europe and Elsewhere_

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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that
   is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a
   hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and
   that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
   -- Mark Twain

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Germany, the diseased worldÂ’s bathhouse.

                                        - - - Mark Twain

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"God made the idiot for practice, then He made the school board." -
Samuel L. Clemens

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"Heaven for climate; Hell for society."

                                --Mark Twain

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