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Main Archives Quotes Category: Old Age

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You know you're getting old when you can't tell
the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm. 

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It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.

    - Lazarus Long

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The nice thing about being senile is -- your always meeting new people.

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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as 
they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they  were cramming for their 

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"The best thing about Altzheimers is getting to hide your
own Easter eggs."

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"To what do you attribute your old age?"
"The fact that I was born a long time ago."

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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that
I could hear heavy breathing again.

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"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something." 

George Burns.

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"Maybe there is no actual place called hell.
Maybe hell is just having to listen to our
grandparents breathe through their noses when
they're eating sandwiches."

Jim Carey. 

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"My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty, and that's the law."

                       - Jerry Seinfeld

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