Main › Archives › Quotes › Category: Old Age
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You know you're getting old when you can't tell
the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
- Lazarus Long
The nice thing about being senile is -- your always meeting new people.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their
"The best thing about Altzheimers is getting to hide your
own Easter eggs."
"To what do you attribute your old age?"
"The fact that I was born a long time ago."
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that
I could hear heavy breathing again.
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something."
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell.
Maybe hell is just having to listen to our
grandparents breathe through their noses when
they're eating sandwiches."
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
- Jerry Seinfeld
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