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There once was a girl named Miss Nokes,
Who showed her behind to the folks.
And a vendor appeared
Selling hotdogs and popcorn and Cokes.
Said a meaty young woman of Croft,
Amusing herself in the loft,
"A salami or wurst
Is what I should choose first---
With bologna you know you've been boffed."
There was a young girl of Cohoes
Who jerked herself off with her nose.
She said, "Yes, I done it,
But just for the fun it
Afforded the folk of Cohoes."
My wife is an amorous soul
On fire for an African's pole.
She told a coon chauffeur
That he was her gopher---
And, say, did he go for her hole!
There was a young lass from Hoboken
Who said that her hymen was broken
From riding a bike,
on a cobble stone pike.
In truth, it was broken from pokin'.
There was an aesthetic young miss
Who thought it the apex of bliss
To jazz herself silly
With the bud of a lily,
Then go to the garden to piss!
A virgin felt urged in Toulouse
Till she thought she would try sef-abuse.
In search of a hard on
She ran out in the garden,
And was had by a statue of Zeus.
There was a young girl of Peru
Who had nothing whatever to do,
So she sat on the stairs
And counted cunt hairs---
Four thousand, three hundred, and two.
There was a young girl from nace
Whose corset just would not lace.
Her mother said, "Nellie,
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face."
There was a young lady from Slough
Who said that she didn't know how.
Then a young fellow caught her
And jolly well taught her;
She lodges in Pimlico now.
A shapely young lady name Jenna
Colored her pubics with henna.
On a beach she was crude
And sunbathed in the nude.
She was promptly invited to dinner.
There was an old maid in Van Nuys
Who went crazy from making mud pies.
She would fill them with farts
And pickled beef-hearts,
And bake them between her fierce thighs.
There was a young lassie named Phyllis
Was deflowered one night in a Willys.
Before they were through
Her spine was askew,
And I very much fear that it still is.
A milkmaid of Warnesby Fair
Was an expert at riding bulls bare.
Oh how the bulls gallop
To give that dear trollop
A bounce on the sweet derry-air.
Maggie is such a sad sack of shit
That no one will tickle her tit.
It would make her so glad
To be had by a lad,
Her drawers cream at the mere thought of it.
There was a young lady named Hatch
Who would always come through in a scratch.
If a guy wouldn't neck her,
She'd grab up his pecker
And shove the damn thing up her snatch.
When a woman in strapless attire
Found her breasts working higher and higher,
A guest, with great feeling,
Exclaimed, "How appealing!
Do you mind if I piss in the fire?"
There once was a girl named McGoffin
Who was diddled amazingly often.
She was rogered by scores
Who'd been turned down by whores,
And was finally screwed in her coffin.
There was a young lady named Maude
A terrible society fraud:
In company, I'm told
She was awfully cold.
But if you got her alone, Oh My God!
There was a brave damsel of Brighton
Whom nothing could possibly frighten.
She plunged in the sea
And, with infinite glee,
Was fucked in the ass by a Triton
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