There was an aesthetic young miss 
            Who thought it the apex of bliss 
                To jazz herself silly 
                With the bud of a lily, 
            Then go to the garden to piss! 

A virgin felt urged in Toulouse 
               Till she thought she would try sef-abuse. 
                    In search of a hard on 
                    She ran out in the garden, 
               And was had by a statue of Zeus. 

There was a young girl of Peru 
               Who had nothing whatever to do, 
                    So she sat on the stairs 
                    And counted cunt hairs--- 
               Four thousand, three hundred, and two. 

There was a young girl from nace 
            Whose corset just would not lace. 
                Her mother said, "Nellie, 
                There's more in your belly 
            Than ever went in through your face." 

There was a young lady from Slough 
            Who said that she didn't know how. 
                Then a young fellow caught her 
                And jolly well taught her; 
            She lodges in Pimlico now. 

A shapely young lady name Jenna 
            Colored her pubics with henna. 
                On a beach she was crude 
                And sunbathed in the nude. 
            She was promptly invited to dinner. 

There was an old maid in Van Nuys 
               Who went crazy from making mud pies. 
                    She would fill them with farts 
                    And pickled beef-hearts, 
               And bake them between her fierce thighs. 

There was a young lassie named Phyllis 
               Was deflowered one night in a Willys. 
                    Before they were through 
                    Her spine was askew, 
               And I very much fear that it still is. 

A milkmaid of Warnesby Fair 
               Was an expert at riding bulls bare. 
                    Oh how the bulls gallop 
                    To give that dear trollop 
               A bounce on the sweet derry-air. 

Maggie is such a sad sack of shit 
               That no one will tickle her tit. 
                    It would make her so glad 
                    To be had by a lad, 
               Her drawers cream at the mere thought of it. 

There was a young lady named Hatch 
               Who would always come through in a scratch. 
                    If a guy wouldn't neck her, 
                    She'd grab up his pecker 
               And shove the damn thing up her snatch. 

When a woman in strapless attire 
               Found her breasts working higher and higher, 
                    A guest, with great feeling, 
                    Exclaimed, "How appealing! 
               Do you mind if I piss in the fire?" 

There once was a girl named McGoffin 
            Who was diddled amazingly often. 
                She was rogered by scores 
                Who'd been turned down by whores, 
            And was finally screwed in her coffin. 

There was a young lady named Maude 
            A terrible society fraud: 
                In company, I'm told 
                She was awfully cold. 
            But if you got her alone, Oh My God! 

There was a brave damsel of Brighton 
               Whom nothing could possibly frighten. 
                    She plunged in the sea 
                    And, with infinite glee, 
               Was fucked in the ass by a Triton