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Reasons Why You Shouldn't Buy Someone's Used Sofa. The Owner Says:

1. "That stain was the best fifty bucks I ever made."

2. "Have you had your shots?"

3. "If you find any fingers in there, pack 'em in ice and give us a call."

4. "It's almost dry, but you may need to wring the cushions out."

5. "It was a present to my Great Aunt Erma after her bladder surgery."

6. "It fell off a truck. At least, I figure it did, since we found it
by the highway."

7. "You can have those Fritos."

8. "I once spent ten days tied to this couch."

9. "It's non-flammable, unless you really try."

10. "It should be clean, we hosed it off."

11. "Watch that spring, it gave me some nasty scars."

12. "It can even float for nearly an hour."

13. "You like the smell of beer, don't you?"

14. "It's not supposed to fold out, but it will if you push hard enough."

15. "I guess olive and orange were popular colors back then."

16. "It used to be a lot longer."

17. "You'll need the brick to keep it level, unless you've got a saw."

18. "AmVets and GoodWill wouldn't take it."

19. "Don't smoke near it."

20. "You can hardly tell where they hurled."

21. "The fire hardly touched this side."

22. "It only smells this way when it's humid."

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