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Yiddish for the Masses
1. Vay iz meer
An expression which closely resembles "Woe is Me", and is cried out by Jewish
mothers every 15 minutes. An anthem of true suffering.
The male reproductive member, primarily used for urinating and solitary amusement.
Larger than a schmeckel. Similar to a schmuck. A common term for male in-laws.
Yet another term for the male member, most often used to describe a man with an
attitude of arrogant stupidity. Nice logic there, if you think about it. A common
term for former male in-laws and business partners.
People who are Gentile. A polite term for anyone who doesn't love a good bargain or
has extra skin on his schmeckel.
An endearing term of love which means "little man". An emasculating term for women
to call men, if you think about it. But who has time to think.
6. Gefilte Fish
A tasty mix of congealed fish parts and transparent slime jelly. The only food it
is permissable for Jewish children to refuse. In some families, they may even be
allowed to gag, but politely.
A derogatory term which best refers to a female business associate or a mother-in-
law. The closest English equivalent is "bitch".
A call-girl, or prostitute. A reference to the Russian Czar's wife at the turn of
the 20th Century, and to that flashy shiksa your nephew married. Also known as
A yummy blend of overcooked noodles , raisins, and curds of ripe cheese. Not fun to
look at. When lathered with sour cream makes an excellent artery hardener.
A purple soup made from beets and ammonia. Often eaten by elderly Ashkenazic Jews
who slurp noisily and have protruding nose hair. Which is helpful, because it
stinks to high heaven.
Also referred to as matzoh balls. Made with styrofoam and sponges. There isn't a
laxative in the world strong enough to counteract them.
A man who messes things up, always loses and feels miserable. An unfortunate
asshole. Closely related to Schlemazel and Schlemiell. Every Jewish family has at
least one, often named Irving.
A jerk who can't do anything right. In simple terms, someone who's always spilling
The poor dumb putz a Schlemiell is always spilling soup on.
A guy with a small putz. A nothing. Usually your ex-partner or ex-son-in-law.
A word referring to all problems, trouble, grief, aggravation and heartache.
Examples: daughter pregnant with child of an unemployed Catholic bartender,
adult son loses job and moves back home.
17. Major Tsuris
Daughter and baby "Bridget" move back home too
Potato pancakes fried in castor oil and lightly seasoned with balsa wood. Smells
like old boxer shorts.
19. Ken in-a-hora
A gleeful rejoice used when Jewish parents find out their daughter is going to
marry the Jewish surgeon rather than that poor, unemployed goyishe bartender.
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