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Warning Labels

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." 
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap." 
(And that would be how...?)

4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." 
(But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On a tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." 
(Oops, too late!)

6. On bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." 
(As night follows the day....)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." 
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after 
taking this medication"
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get 
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) 

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." 
(One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." 
(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." 
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." 

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." 
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." 
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food." 
("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Palmolive! ")

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little 

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in 
washing machine." 
("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to 
use the swimming pool? ")

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