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1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)
4. On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On a tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!)
6. On bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day....)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication"
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?... Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
("Hey Mom we're out of syrup! " - " It's OK, honey! Just grab the Palmolive! ")
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in
("Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids!" - "Aww, you mean we have to
use the swimming pool? ")
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