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Top Ten Ways to Get Pardoned from Clinton

1. Explain that the $45 million check for the I.R.S.
is in my other pants' pockets, and look really surprised.

2. Start dating Chelsea.

3. Form a President Bush Fan Club in an effort to distract the Republican Party.

4. Make donations to the Clinton Presidential Pardon Library Fund.

5. Run a Free Big Mac With Presidential Pardon promotion at your local McDonald's.

6. Say that you're really, really sorry, and promise never to do it again.

7. Trick him into thinking he's signing a crooked land deal in Arkansas.

8. Let some couches fall off the back of the truck in Chappaqua
in front of their house.

9. Offer to adopt either Socks the cat, or Hillary the dog.

10. Provide him with an escort and a good cigar.

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