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A Reference Guide For Weekend Fun



1. ECSTASY

How you think you behave: Like the beautiful, caring, wonderful person you really 
are.
How you actually behave: Like the creepy kid at school who always sucked up to the 
teacher. Those revolting sweaty hugs you inflict upon anyone you meet are disgusting.
Likelihood of getting laid: 30%. Sex is not important. It's all about the "vibe."
How you feel in the morning: Like you should have gone for the sex.
Embarrassment rating: 6/10 Ecstasy makes you say nice things to people that you 
don't like. This can be very embarrassing, particularly if people believe what you 
say. Be careful who you give your phone number to. They just might call.


2. MARIJUANA

How you think you behave: You're not sure, but you think people could be laughing at 
you.
How you actually behave: Like someone just hit you over the head with an 800KG 
fridge freezer combination.
Likelihood of getting laid: 60%. If you spend enough time on the couch, anything can 
happen.
How you feel in the morning: Like another joint. And the rest of that pizza.
Embarrassment rating: 1/10. You are moving so slowly that it's almost impossible to 
do anything stupid.


3. ALCOHOL

How you think you behave: Like the life of the party. You are sexy, funny and 
everybody likes you.
How you actually behave: Like the death of the party. Your behaviour gets 
progressively worse as you tell more and more crass jokes, insult the bartender, 
spill your drink and make a pass at your best friend’s date.
Likelihood of getting laid: 90%. Your sexual standards drop dramatically with each 
consecutive drink. If surrounded by others whose standards are also lowered, then 
your chances are pretty good.
How you feel in the morning: Who did I insult? Where is my car? Why did I sleep with 
someone from the office? I've never felt this bad before. This is absolutely the 
last time.
Embarrassment rating: 11/10. Not only are you stupid, you are sloppy. Everyone 
recognizes this, except you.


4. COCAINE

How you think you behave: You are smart, irresistible and want to "do lunch" with 
everyone.
How you actually behave: Like an annoying know-it-all who would sell his soul for 
the next line of blow.
Likelihood of getting laid: 80% It may be a Jedi Mind Trick, but when you sincerely 
believe you are so irresistible, some clueless and insecure type may actually fall 
for it
How you feel in the morning: Like the apeman.
Embarrassment rating: 0/10 if there's more coke in the drawer. 9/10 if there isn't.


5. ACID or SHROOMS

How you think you behave: You are not behaving, but the world around you is putting 
on a pretty good show.
How you actually behave: In reality, it is you putting on the show. The rest of the 
world is behaving the same as ever.
Likelihood of getting laid: 20% Even if you actually manage to get through the 
process of selecting a mate, removing your clothes and choosing a sexual position, 
you will then have to deal with the challenge of your partner changing into a furry 
animal/the devil/your mother.
How you feel in the morning: Either you are climbing the wall swishing that God 
would put an end to your suffering, or you finally understand Huxley’s "The Doors of 
Perception."
Embarrassment rating: 0/10 You either sat on the couch and laughed at the TV all 
night even if it was turned off). Or you climbed onto a building, tried to fly and 
died.


  
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