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You Might Be A Computer Nerd If...

1. If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"

2. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

3. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

4. If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas

5. If Dilbert is your hero

6. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

7. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes

8. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

9. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

10. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the
decimal point in the right place

11. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

12. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car

13. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other
than hanging coats and taping ducts

14. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one
to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

15. If you window shop at Radio Shack

16. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the
latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

17. If you have "Dilbert" comics di.splayed anywhere in your work area

18. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a
test that actually takes five minutes to run

19. If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door
opener and your camera's flash attachment

20. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is

21. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

22. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

23. If you own "Official Star Trek" anything

24. If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

25. If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the
antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

26. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

27. If you see a good design and still have to change it

28. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

29. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

30. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never
enters your mind

The list continues below


31. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't
remember where they are

32. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

33. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster
you own turns bread into charcoal

34. If you have more toys than your kids

35. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

36. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

37. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

38. If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

39. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

40. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery
channel and have seen most of the shows already

41. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know
what RPN stands for

42. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color
TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you
grew up thinking that was normal

43. If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what
size screw driver to use

44. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

45. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

46. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

47. If your checkbook always balances

48. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

49. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

50. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

51. If you think that when pe.ople around you yawn, it's because they
didn't get enough sleep

52. If you spend more on your home computer than your car

53. If you know what http:/ stands for

54. If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

55. If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

56. If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to
explain atmospheric absorption theory

57. When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you
reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"

58. When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and
you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see
if you can raise CD.

59. When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

60. When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up
sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".

61. When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her,
"You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."

62. When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

63. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

64. When you have to go to the bathroom, but you wait until bladder
meltdown, since "goto" is bad programming style.

65. When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve
eye-hand coordination.

66. When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a
crash, and you correct him that a backup is good protection in
case of a crash.

67. When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive
to your machines.

68. When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.

69. When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.

70. When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and
you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintoshes'."

71. When your wife says "IF you don't turn off that damn machine and
come to bed, THEN I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise
her for for omitting the ELSE clause.

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