Today's jokes [10.20.17]
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many
canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of
indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there
are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once
again, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away
in the direction from which they had come and they realise, they were
surrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto,
my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together
but now I think we are doomed".
" We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman.
"How do you plead?" asked the judge.
"Guilty or not guilty."
"Not guilty," replied the man.
"On what grounds?" queried the judge.
"I didn't think she was dead....I thought she was an American."
His And Hers ATMs
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed
to confess, so he went to his Priest.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in
"Well," answered the Priest, "That's no a sin."
"But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more
"What is it son."
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
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