Today's jokes [9.25.17]
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A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing,
wondering what he would be
wearing underneath. "What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him.
"Why don't you
take a look", he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the
kilt.then let it go,"Oh,
it's gruesome!" "Well, why don't you take another look, it just
Certificate of Upgrade to
Certificate of Upgrade
is awarded to
In Recognition of Your Obnoxious Attitude, Ability to Piss
People Off, Complete Asinine Juvenile Behavior and Total
Dedication to Personal Gain Without Regard to the Many
Hardships You Have Forced Upon Friends, Family, and Others
During Your Lifetime, You Have Become a Legend In YOUR Own
To Recognize Your Upgrade From Half-Assed to Complete Asshole
Gives All Concerned Great Satisfaction. If Anyone, For Any
Reason, Doubts Your Status,
JUST BE YOURSELF!
Effective Date _________________ Signed _____________________
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American
Indians. After a
tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in
his headdress, "Why
the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His
reply was, "Me have only
one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling
the first fellow
was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He
replied, "Ugh; me
have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not
convinced the number of
feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to
interview the Chief.
Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to
say, amused Ms.
Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in
The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em
all. Big, small, fat,
tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be
hung!" The Chief
replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like
snake." Ms. Walters
cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!" The Chief replied,
style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!" With tears in her eyes,
Ms. Walters cried,
"Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high
and fuckers run
too fast. No fuck deer!"
Q: Why were there only 49 contestants at the Miss Ebonics USA pageant?
A: No one wanted to stand up and say. . .Idaho...
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything
about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build
your own toaster.
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