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Today's jokes [4.21.18]

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The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't 
be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and 
theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the 
house is robbed while it's burning down. 

1. 




    A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster
   for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster
   and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."
   The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens....look at
   what it did to me!"
   The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
   Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a
   hike."
   The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens
   over in the corner. I won't bother you."
   The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking
   over!"
   So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
   rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you
   around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken
   coop."
   The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just
   to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
   They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!"
   and the old rooster takes off running.
   About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.
   They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only
   about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
   The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
   grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits.
   He sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought
   this week!"


2. 




Once when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for them
mary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume she
went into the family room to show her family they were impressed.
Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre,and your parrot on
your shoulder,and look you even have a neat sack to carry your booty,but
where are your buccaneers?
Says Mary, my buccaneers are under my buccanhat! 

3. 




The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't bat
an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina.
"What are you going to use it for?" she asked. 
"None of your business," answered the customer, beet
red and throughly offended. 
"Calm down, buddy," soothed the salesgirl. " The only
reason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't have
to charge you sales tax." 

4. 




Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...

5. 



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