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Today's jokes [2.26.17]

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A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"

1. 




What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive? 

     - Popeye almost killed him. 

2. 




Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses 
were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to 
the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt 
fell asleep!'.

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

3. 




Billy Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a party. BR runs a red 
light. BB says, "Hey! What the fuck are you doing! That light was red!" 
BR replies, "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time, it's OK."
Then he does it again. 
BB: " Damn it, you done it again!"
BR: "It's OK, I tell you. My brother does it all the time."
The next light is green. BR slams on the brakes.
BB: "Where did you learn to drive? That was green. You are supposed to go 
through."
BR: "Well I would have, but my brother might be coming through!

4. 




A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how
to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store,
walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over
there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny,
and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got
to stay".

5. 



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