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Today's jokes [3.26.19]

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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week 
and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your 
penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay 
next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 
4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive 
work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry 
and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse 
to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw 
them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these 
breasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at 
this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"

1. 




What did the egg say to the boiling water?


"I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"

Sent by Sarah

2. 




A man calls his family doctor:

man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.

doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help.

man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her. 

3. 




When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.
When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.
Top management discusses golf.
Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.


4. 




The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant. "Doctor," 
she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he 
lost three ounces this week." The medic examined the child and then 
started to squeeze the girl's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, 
removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple. "Young lady," 
he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't 
any milk!" "Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my 
sister's!"

5. 



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