Today's jokes [1.16.17]
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Condom Modelling Rejection
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NC 22269
Dear John Doe,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model
and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.
Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors
feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray
a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled
condom is NOT considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like
to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your
application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a
market for micro-mini condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.
Yours very truly,
Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
P.S. Remember our slogans:
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
legs called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house
and knocks on the door.
Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what can I do
"Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"
Philip's mum says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."
"Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps
There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing
how much their husbands could get up their crotch.
The first women said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me".
The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me".
The third lady slid down the bar stool.
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
establishing the fact
that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking
the roll, she was told
by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be
none of that kind of
thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No,
really teacher, it IS
Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask
my brother if you
don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing,
the teacher went
across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
fourth grade teacher
had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she
entered the room and
directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!"
replied a little kid
from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.
As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,
"Look at the legs among that group."
"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a
chest man myself."
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