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Today's jokes [3.24.17]

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A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always
comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for
some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away.
'I know why you are chasing after me... you want to know why I always
pay a quarter but never take an apple,' the man says.
The woman replies: 'No, I wanted to tell you that the price has just gone 
up'.



1. 




  gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only 1 4 legged stool left, how do they sit???

They turn it upsidedown.


Sent by GC

2. 




On their wedding night the husband was so self - conscious 
about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he 
snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his 
pants and handed his member to his bride.

"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light 
if you want to write thank-you notes ."

3. 




Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest;
he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends
sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people,
he made a loud noise (to attract attention),
stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table;
the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.



4. 




Playgirl Rejection Letter



November 30, 1995


PLAYGIRL, INC.


Dear Mrs. Smith,

        We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid picture
of your husband.  We agree that his appearance in our March issue as
the Playgirl's "Man of the Month" centerfold would have been a truly 
fitting way for you to honor your 75th anniversary of wedded bliss,
and as a life-time memento on his birthday.

        We submitted the picture to our various panels of judges, as
it is our routine procedure, with the following results:

        When rated by our panel of average American women (ages 25 to
40) on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), his body was rated
a -2.

        To further justify our ratings, we submitted your photograph
to another panel of women in the age bracket of 45 to 100.  We couldn't
get them to stop laughing long enough to take the time to rate him.

        The old American women panel, aged 70 to 100, widowed for over 
twenty years, said "We'll retain our widowed status!"

        The Organization of Nude Portrait Painters (thinking perhaps
they could touch up the picture), said "We can't perform miracles!"

        We therefore regret that we will not be able to satisfy your 
request for John on his 75th wedding anniversary.  We do, however, 
invite you to submit other pictures for Playgirl's centerfold.  Please
be advised that the minimum requirement is that the staple used to 
hold the centerfold in place in the magazine cannot completely 
obliterate what we refer to as "the item of interest" as it would in 
John's case.

Yours truly,

Jane Brown
Playgirl, Inc.



5. 



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