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Today's jokes [12.10.18]

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The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, "I'm 
sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was 
born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of 
its mouth."

Mr. Jones cries, "My God!  What will we do with such a deformed baby?"

The doctor says, "Use it as a rake?"



1. 




If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease,
eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will
be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be
deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be 
delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be
debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. And on 
a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted. 

2. 




A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone." 

3. 




How do dentists become brain surgeons?

When their drills slip.

4. 




   A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the
   bartender. "If i show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is
   my beer on the house?" "We'll See," says the bartender. So the guy
   pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the
   bar,
   and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but
   i'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a
   bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jups up from mhis
   table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100
   right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the
   bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender,
   "but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy. "The
   hamster is also a ventriloquist."
   


5. 



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