Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [9.25.17]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


   A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing,
   wondering what he would be
   wearing underneath. "What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him.
   "Why don't you
   take a look", he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the
   kilt.then let it go,"Oh,
   it's gruesome!" "Well, why don't you take another look, it just
   grew-some more."
   


1. 




                         Certificate of Upgrade to
                                      
                              Complete Asshole
     
   





                    Certificate of Upgrade


                              to


                       Complete Asshole



                        is awarded to




-------------------------------------------------------------



In Recognition of Your Obnoxious Attitude, Ability to Piss

People Off, Complete Asinine Juvenile Behavior and Total

Dedication to Personal Gain Without Regard to the Many

Hardships You Have Forced Upon Friends, Family, and Others

During Your Lifetime, You Have Become a Legend In YOUR Own

Mind.


To Recognize Your Upgrade From Half-Assed to Complete Asshole

Gives All Concerned Great Satisfaction.  If Anyone, For Any

Reason, Doubts Your Status,



                      JUST BE YOURSELF!




Effective Date _________________  Signed _____________________
  


2. 




   Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American
   Indians. After a
   tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in
   his headdress, "Why
   the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His
   reply was, "Me have only
   one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling
   the first fellow
   was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He
   replied, "Ugh; me
   have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not
   convinced the number of
   feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to
   interview the Chief.
   Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to
   say, amused Ms.
   Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in
   your headdress?"
   The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em
   all. Big, small, fat,
   tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be
   hung!" The Chief
   replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like
   snake." Ms. Walters
   cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!" The Chief replied,
   "Hoss-style, dog-
   style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!" With tears in her eyes,
   Ms. Walters cried,
   "Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high
   and fuckers run
   too fast. No fuck deer!"
   


3. 




Q: Why were there only 49 contestants at the Miss Ebonics USA pageant? 

A: No one wanted to stand up and say. . .Idaho... 

4. 




If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything
about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build
your own toaster.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 September '17 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
               1  2  
3  4  5  6  7  8  9  
10 11 12 13 14 15 16 
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 
24 25 26 27 28 29 30 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.