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Today's jokes [6.5.20]

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A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a
good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and
cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says
"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." 
The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not
creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."



1. 




Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.


2. 




This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
somebody!"

3. 




   A man and his dog walk into a bar for a drink. The bartender sees the
   two and immediately decries, "Sorry sir, no dogs allowed in this bar."
   
   The man turns to the bartender and explains that this is no ordinary
   dog but a dog that likes to go down on women. The bartender notices
   the dog is quite mellow and doesn't feel like arguing with the man so
   he lets them stay.
   
   The waitress hears this and approaches the man telling him she would
   like to see this for herself. He agrees and she says, "I'll go
   upstairs and you send up the dog in 5 minutes."
   
   The man does and about 15 minutes later she comes back down angry,
   telling him the dog had just lain there doing nothing. The man replies
   that this has never been the case before, and offers to coach the dog,
   to which she agrees.
   
   They both go upstairs and she undresses and he tells the dog to do his
   thing and once again, the dog just lays there.
   
   The man looks over at the dog and says, "alright but I'm only gonna
   show you one more time.........."
   


4. 




If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you,
what have you usually done wrong? 

     Made her chain too long. 

5. 



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