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Today's jokes [7.23.18]

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Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers.
The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the
rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes
into the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what else
do you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I
have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what
these will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a
goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"

1. 




When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was 
delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned 
and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician
examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be 
corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the 
doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need 
for surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the doctor 
asked "Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, 
aren't you?"

2. 




Q. Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?

A. She got her finger caught in a dike!



3. 




Three college roommates -- two females and a male -- began
to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes.
"All right," one of the girls said, "the first one to speak has to
do them."
The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their
neighbor, a school football star, came by, the three remained
silent. The visitor shrugged and led one of the girls into her
bedroom.
Forty-five minutes later, the young man emerged and
approached the second girl. Through sign language, they
agreed to adjourn to her bedroom.
When he came out, he began to fix himself a cup of tea but
burned his fingers on the stove.
"Hey, where's some petroleum jelly?" he hollered from the
kitchen.
"Oh, hell!" the male roommate said, jumping up. "I'll do the
dishes."

4. 




Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet,
sensitive men in this world?

Because they already have boyfriends!

5. 



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