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Today's jokes [8.15.18]

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Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed
and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

1. 




Police arrested two kids yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

2. 




Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

3. 




"Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

4. 




I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No  bet, the steaks are too high."

5. 



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