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Today's jokes [3.24.18]

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After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her
"Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to
women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party


   One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
   show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
   sentence twice.
   First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
   bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
   "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
   "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,"
   he said.
   "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
   "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
   was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuckin' beautiful!'"


   Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
   I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
   Mind if I use your laptop?
   Put this in my box before you leave.
   I want it on my desk now!
   Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
   My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
   It's an entry level position.
   When do you think you'll be getting off today?
   It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!


What would you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float!


Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?

The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.

Sent by Lou


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