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Today's jokes [9.21.18]

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The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question
directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."  What to write? He
sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for
the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. 
Again, what to write?  Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,
then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,
and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

1. 




An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the 
First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and 
it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.  After thirty 
minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese."  The First 
Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"  "Your people bombed 
Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."  "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese 
not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."  "Chinese, Japanese, 
Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."  Another thirty 
minutes of silence.  Finally, the First Officer says: "No like 
Jew."  "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"  "Jews sink Titanic."  "The 
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."  "Iceberg, Goldberg, 
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."

Sent by Renata

2. 




In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young 
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black 
leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus 
rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that 
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the 
bus' first step. 

So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she 
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this 
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the 
step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step. 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and 
unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the 
step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg 
because of the tight skirt. 

So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the 
offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make 
the step. 

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her 
up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. 
The pretty young woman went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, 
screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who 
you are!!!!" 

At this the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you 
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind a figured that we was 
friends."

3. 




I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my
wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." 

"What is she doing?" the pal asks. 

"Waiting for me to get home."

4. 




This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.

That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

5. 



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