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Today's jokes [1.16.17]

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Condom Modelling Rejection



                    TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY

                  6969 Slippery Root Drive
                    Droptrouser, NC 22269


Dear John Doe,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model 
and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors 
feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray 
a positive, romantic image for our product.  A loose baggy and wrinkled 
condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even 
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken.  We would like 
to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a 
bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time.  We will retain your 
application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a 
market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.


Yours very truly,

Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

VD/abc

P.S. Remember our slogans:

Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!



1. 




   In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house
   and knocks on the door.
   
   Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what can I do
   for you?"
   
   "Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"
   
   Philip's mum says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."
   
   "Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps
   bleed."
   


2. 




There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing
how much their husbands could get up their crotch. 
The first women said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me". 
The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me". 
The third lady slid down the bar stool. 

3. 




   It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
   establishing the fact
   that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking
   the roll, she was told
   by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be
   none of that kind of
   thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No,
   really teacher, it IS
   Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask
   my brother if you
   don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing,
   the teacher went
   across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
   fourth grade teacher
   had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she
   entered the room and
   directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!"
   replied a little kid
   from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
   


4. 




Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.
As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,
"Look at the legs among that group."

"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a
chest man myself."



5. 



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