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Today's jokes [4.26.17]

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Emery fixed himself a Scotch while waiting for
Maria to get ready for their date. She came out
of the shower wrapped in a bath towel and said,
"I'm sorry I'm late but I was shopping and lost
track of time. Would you like to see me in my
new dress?"

"I would like nothing better." said Emery. 

1. 




Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. 
The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads 
towards the back of the store.
"If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't 
need the batteries." 


2. 




Q:    How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stoll?

A:    you turn it over!

Sent by gms38

3. 




A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.
I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs 
at me.
Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face 
down on that couch."

4. 




   A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.
   "Young lady," said
   the doctor, "you're pregnant." "But that can't be. The only men I've
   been with are nudists
   and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes." "Well my dear,"
   said the doctor,
   "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
   


5. 



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