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Main Archives Jokes Category: Politics

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81
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Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up 
from Yugoslavia by buyer

82
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Q.  What do pub landlords say in Kosovo at chucking out time?

A.  "Come on you lot, have you not got any homes to go to?"

83
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Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly
Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned
umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President!
I said, Throw the first PITCH!"

84
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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's 
special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. The chicken sounds good, 
I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. And the vegetable?" 
he asks. Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies. 

85
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At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese 
ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese 
ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast." 

86
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After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took
$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can't
make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the 
side!"


87
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Finally, Serbian hackers hacked the navigation systems of "Tomahawk" 
missiles -- now they're called "Boomerang."

88
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Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? 

Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear 
them.

Sent by Nic

89
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The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian
air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall
while the jet was on a bombing run.  The plane crashed into
an empty field, creating a huge crater.  Serbian search and
rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving
that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists
to wage their war of terror from the sky.

90
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Why are politicians like diapers?


Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

91
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Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird? 

The spread eagle. 

92
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A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:
"I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

93
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The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket
of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.'
It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.

94
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BUY YUGO WAR BONDS

For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing
country just out of the clutches of communism.
What your $$$ buyz:  Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for
one month for the ethnic clensing!
Their motto:  I wanns be like Ike!  A little behind the times, BUT!
They model themselves after the US of A.
They want to establish a land- first ridding themselves of
undesireables (like the US did against the native inhabitants)
Why not? What's good enough for US is good enuff for them!

95
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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin 
with 'If Elected I promise...'"


The jokes continue below

 


96
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The Australian liberal party announced today that they are
changing their emblem to a condom
because it more clearly reflects their party's
political stance :

A condom stands up to inflation,
halts production,
discourages co-operation,
protects a bunch of dicks,
and gives one a sense of security while
screwing others.

97
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President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the 
season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and 
whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at 
Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but 
leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out 
the first PITCH!" 

98
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Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night.  I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?"  Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."

Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called.  Last night 
I had a similar dream.  I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more 
beautiful than ever.  It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house 
flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?"  Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, "I don't know.  I can't read Hebrew."

99
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One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the 
White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the 
country?" Clinton asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark 
bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" 
Clinton asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure 
moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the 
best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.  
Abe replied, "Go to the theater."

100
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Definition:
Politics Poli (Poly): Many....   Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures 

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