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CUSTOMER SURVEY

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website, 
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humour and made the web department
take it down immediately.



Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment; please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey 
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.

 1.    [_] Mr.
       [_] Mrs.
       [_] Ms.
       [_] Miss
       [_] Lt.
       [_] Gen.
       [_] Comrade
       [_] Classified
       [_] Other

 First Name: .....................................................
 Initial: ........
 Last Name......................................................
 Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
 Code Name:......................................................
 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
 [_] F-14 Tomcat
 [_] F-15 Eagle
 [_] F-16 Falcon
 [_] F-117A Stealth
 [_] Classified

 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... /....... /......

 4. Serial Number: ...............................................

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
 [_] Received as gift / aid package
 [_] Catalogue / showroom
 [_] Independent arms broker
 [_] Mail order
 [_] Discount store
 [_] Government surplus
 [_] Classified

 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas 
product you  have just purchased:
 [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
 [_] Store display
 [_] Espionage
 [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
 [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
 [_] Was attacked by one

 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision
 to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
 [_] Style / appearance
 [_] Speed / manoeuvrability
 [_] Price / value
 [_] Comfort / convenience
 [_] Kickback / bribe
 [_] Recommended by salesperson
 [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
 [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
 [_] Backroom politics
 [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
 [_] North America
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Aircraft carrier
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Europe
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
 [_] Panama
 [_] Africa
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Asia / Far East
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Misc. Third World countries
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Classified
 [_] Iraq

 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to 
purchase  in the near future:
 [_] Colour TV
 [_] VCR
 [_] ICBM
 [_] Killer Satellite
 [_] CD Player
 [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
 [_] Space Shuttle
 [_] Home Computer
 [_] Nuclear Weapon

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation?  (Indicate
all that apply:)
 [_] Communist / Socialist
 [_] Terrorist
 [_] Crazed
 [_] Nice Person
 [_] Democratic
 [_] Dictatorship
 [_] Corrupt
 [_] Primitive / Tribal

 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
 [_] Deficit spending
 [_] Cash
 [_] Suitcases of cocaine
 [_] Oil revenues
 [_] Personal check
 [_] Credit card
 [_] Ransom money
 [_] Traveller's check

 12. Your occupation:
 [_] Homemaker
 [_] Sales / marketing
 [_] Revolutionary
 [_] Clerical
 [_] Mercenary
 [_] Tyrant
 [_] Middle management
 [_] Eccentric billionaire
 [_] Defence Minister / General
 [_] Retired
 [_] Work At Post Office

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and
mysterious consortia.  As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will 
be  registered to win a brand new F-117A in our War Not Peace Sweepstakes!


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