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Today's poems[10.26.98]

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There was a young fellow named Simon 
            Who tried to discover a hymen, 
                But he found every girl 
                Had relinquished her pearl 
            In exchange for a solitaire diamond. 

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There once was an apple-cheeked runt Who was welcomed with joy at the Front. This God's gift to he-men Prevented spilled semen, For his ass was tattooed like a cunt.
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There was a young girl of Claridge's Who said, "What a strange thing marriage is, When you stop to think That I've poured down the sink Five abortions and fifty miscarriages!"
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A contortionist hailing from Lynch Used to rent out his tool by the inch. A foot cost a quid--- He could and he did Stretch it to three in a pinch.
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There was a young lady of Joppa Who came a society cropper. She went to Ostend With a gentlemen friend--- The rest of the story's improper.
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A lad from far-off Transvaal Was lustful, but tactful withal. He'd say, just for luck, "Mam'selle, do you fuck?" But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.
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To the shrine which was Pallas Athena's Young Bito (who'd learned about penis) Brought her needles and thread And scissors and said, "You can stick them---I'm changing to Venus!"
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To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! Your cunt is as big as a dish!" She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
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A cautious young husband named Rafe Used to diddle his wife with a safe. Thus he thwarted God's wishes And fed his pet fishes, Which he kept in a bedside carafe.
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