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Today's jokes[10.6.98]

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A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing 
where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. 

"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very 
dangerous beast out there!"

But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less 
seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was 
the couple was doing.

"Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a 
brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's 
artificial respiration!"

"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which 
merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"

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The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude. "Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui!" the Frenchman said, smacking his lips. So the Italian shot her.
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What's the difference between Bill Clinton, and the Titanic ?? It is known how many went down on the Titanic.
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How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish? If she wasn't,she wouldn't have stained her dress.
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Two guys get stuck on a desert island.They are soon caught by the natives and brought to a village and put before the cheif.He says to the first guy,"As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru".Not wanting to die he picks Ru Ru.He is then beaten and buggered to unconciousness right in front of his friend.The 2nd guywhen asks says "I'd rather die than suffer that ". The chief says "Great,death it is,death by Ru Ru"!!!
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Did you here what Monica Lewinskys' mother said when she brought home her dress? What,doesn't the White House have any club soda?
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One day in class the teacher has sex education.On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is.In the back of the room,Dirty Johnny stands and says "That's a penis,and my father has two of them". The teacher looks surprised and asks "What do you mean,two?"Dirty Johnny responds,"A little one to pee,and a big one to brush the baby sitters teeth."
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A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?" The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"
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A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
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Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
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