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Today's jokes[10.22.98]

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How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ?

Take them out their wheelchair.



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1
What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson? Christopher Reeves got the electric chair!....and O.J walked!
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2
What's sicker than sick? masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....
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3
A guy rings work and says "I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick" The voice at the other end asks "How sick are you ??" The guy says "Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!"
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4
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
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5
a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says "alright John, how you getting on today?"
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6
What's better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics? Having arms and legs.
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7
What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh? A home-sick abortion.
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8
pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one... "What was that?", the other two ask, curiously. "Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.. "What was that?", the other two enquire "Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.. "What was that?" ask the other two.. "Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."
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9
What goes in and out and smells of piss? The Queen Mother
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10

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