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A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he
starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he
leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When
they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing,
again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are
being played in the reverse order in which they were
composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
Send this joke to a friend 1 Gross is having to tuck your hemorrhoid into your sock so you won't step on
it when you walk.
Send this joke to a friend 2 After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her
"Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to
women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party
Send this joke to a friend 3 What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his
girlfriend at Oxford?
I did not have textual relations with that woman.
Send this joke to a friend 4 One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What
animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's
something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
Send this joke to a friend 5 A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I
know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was
disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the
poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he
said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the
time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over
the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts
please meet me at the back of the store."
Send this joke to a friend 6 A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI
Send this joke to a friend 7 *ring* *ring*
"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, "Hello?"
"I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom," a male voice whispered
huskily, "...undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until
"Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that from two hello's?"
Send this joke to a friend 8 Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
A. Speed bumps
Send this joke to a friend 9