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One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go
out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his
wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't
stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the
infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father all that
he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine
the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid
the diaper, he finds that the diaper is indeed full. "Here's the
problem", the Dr. says. "He needs a change." The father is very
perplexed, " But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs!"
Send this joke to a friend 1 A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said,
"Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer
said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you
don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I
don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have
a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I
park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you
have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on
Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her."
Send this joke to a friend 2 A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins,
to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless
world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied,
"Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.
But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates
filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious,
I named them for you."
The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he
done now?" and said with trepidation,
"Well what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."
The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name!
What did you come up with for my son?"
The brother replied, "Denephew."
Send this joke to a friend 3 You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.
Guess what? His penis rejected it!
Send this joke to a friend 4 What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur traders.
Send this joke to a friend 5 New scientific theories
4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due to
deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases
when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
Send this joke to a friend 6 New scientific theories
3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means
the Chinese cannot use "acronyms"; thus, they cannot communicate
their ideas at a faster rate.
Send this joke to a friend 7 New scientific theories
2nd RunnerUp- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
they must yawn to even it all out.
Send this joke to a friend 8 New scientific thoeries
1st RunnerUp- If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an
infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of
shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
Send this joke to a friend 9 New scientific theories
HONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the English
language is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in one
geographic area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks"
his "cah", the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl wells."
Send this joke to a friend 10