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Today's jokes[10.12.98]

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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by
the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

"Oh?  And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, sir."






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1
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump." "You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
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2
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "*Yours* is."
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3
Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident? A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start their new submarine.
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4
Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18 he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars. "On your free, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed. "You'll eat in the message hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"
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5
The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, "Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child . . . on his desk . . . in a jar." Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, "Goddamned if they don't find out EVERY little thing about you!"
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6
A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her. He says,"You have acute vaginitis." She says "Thank you."
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7
Two gynecologists meet at lunch. The first one says, "I had a patient this morning with a clit like a dill pickle. The second one says,"That big or that green?" The first one says,"That Sour."
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8
What's the difference between mayonaise and sperm? Mayonaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at 40 mph.
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9
Did you hear about Tempura House? It's a shelter for lightly battered women.
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10

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