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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by
the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on
the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and
yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our
Send this joke to a friend 1 The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman
couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the
room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at
When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a
. . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me
you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind,
decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A
certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the
door . . ."
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
Send this joke to a friend 2 A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one
day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,"
he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply.
Send this joke to a friend 3 "What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."
Send this joke to a friend 4 A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi
went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How
come after all these years we don't see you at services
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you,
Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about
me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Send this joke to a friend 5 I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for
parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he
said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting."
Send this joke to a friend 6 The Hotel Odeon in Paris is offering tourists a 'Diana Tour' - a
personal reenactment of Princess Diana's last night alive. For
$50 extra you can enjoy the "Land Mind Obstacle Course".
Send this joke to a friend 7 A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in
the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she
started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she
encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining
room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited
for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he
replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
Send this joke to a friend 8 A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the
radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good
Lord, He's done it again!"
Send this joke to a friend 9 This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after
a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix
her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one
Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible
hand when she notices the time.
"Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to
be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her
friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.
When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not
enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the
cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.
In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and
garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling
She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then
she realizes he is loving it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best
dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You
can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night
they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!
Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this
dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and
they are all horrified.
"You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your
chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and
then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.
Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women
the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being
so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that
cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit
there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel
when he was licking his ass."
Send this joke to a friend 10