Today's jokes [4.4.21]
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This butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was
awakened by strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs
and saw his 19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and
masturbating with a liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to
The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some
liverwurst, the butcher said that he didn't have any left. The
customer was really annoyed, she pointed to the corner of the shop and
asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right
The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
An old man and woman were married for years even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A
constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the
man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the
grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible
for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He
was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral
had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to
the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her
neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are
you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who
practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig
his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig.
I had him buried upside down."
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the
police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your
car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the
driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test
they're giving now!"
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it
cause it was prettier than most.
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."
Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.
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