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Today's jokes [2.9.21]

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A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He's stopped at
the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed:
"You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after
you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a
snowballs chance in hell of meeting god?"
"Fuck God... I'm after the baby Jesus."


1. 




A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one 
day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a 
change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," 
he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.

"Too much trouble," came the reply.

2. 




Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.


3. 




A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself." 


4. 




Why do bankers make great lovers? 

     They know the penalty for early withdrawal. 

5. 



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