Today's jokes [2.23.21]
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Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates
of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a
long time for you."
"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.
Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy.
I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disspeared inside. After
a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82.
I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."
Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a
secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no
"Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"No," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl replied.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the
level about this."
The Speed of Time by Age
0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going
to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it
10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks
actually move backwards just before the bell rings.
20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet
paychecks seem further and further apart.
30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone
and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most
common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?"
40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he
might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he
said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be
60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59?
70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like
they're over in a couple weeks.
There's a fire at the whorehouse
-- some come out running and others run out coming!
What is old, wrinkled, and hangs out your underwear?
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