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Today's poems [1.9.21]

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NET FRUSTRATION

I've been sat here hours,
my eyes are feeling sore,
I'm staying up all night,
because I'm looking to score.

The Net causes frustration,
because I can't get sex for free,
I search and search for hours,
but I need a credit card to see.

I bought myself a web cam,
so I can chat and play,
but I don't see any ladies,
so I wish that I was gay.

Is there anyone out there,
who is as lonely as me?
staring at my screen,
I wish that I could see

Hang on - who is this?
It is a female figure,
she looks like my Grandma,
but my Grandma is slimmer.

She says her name is Helga,
so I ask about the weather,
but she thinks I'm a bore,
because I'm not into leather.

I start to look for more,
by now, I know the score,
but Sarah B won't answer
and Lisa X is busy.

But wait - I must be dreaming,
I see a blonde lady,
I smile at her picture
and she smiles back at me.

She speaks, but I can't hear,
She hears but now can't see,
I think my PC's broken,
Why does this happen to me?

She is looking puzzled
and I can't seem to fix it
but I can't wait to start,
I guess I'll have to risk it.

I think I am in love,
I hope she feels the same,
Oh, damn my PC's crashed !
But boy, how I just came !


Sent by ANON

1. 




There once was a lass from Kilbride,
who lost her vibrator inside,
she went to the doctor to see it
and so he decided to free it

He opened her up
and filled her with grease,
he pulled on the base
and out it did ease

Now she's got a husband,
the dildo is no use,
the only problem is for him,
her pussy feels too loose


Sent by Dan

2. 




Mary had a little lamb,
its coat was full of fleas,
but even worse the little crap,
had foot and mouth desease


Sent by Jono

3. 




ROBIN HOOD

You've heard the tale of Robin Hood,
and how he did poor people good.
But there's more to this story,
of Sherwood forests pride and glory.
At night when all the robbing was done,
the merry men would have their fun.
In fact it would be fair to say,
the merry men were quite GAY.
As little John starts to unwind,
Robin takes it from behind,
and as they frolic in the grass,
Robin takes it up the arse. 
One day when they were all at play,
a cute maiden came their way.
She walked up to Friar Tuck and asked 
if he would like a FUCK.
Little John couldn't believe his ears,
she 's offering sex to al us queers.
As he recovers from the shock,
Robin presents her with his cock.
For Marian this was sheer bliss,
as he fullfilled her every wish.
When all was done she gave a whine.
Thanks boys for a lovely time.
But for this pleasure,
you must pay.
I've got pox have anice day.
Listen here said Friar Tuck,
we don't even give a fuck.
the jokes on you, you silly cow.
We've got AID's whose fucked now? 

Sent by Gina

4. 




I hate you, you hate me,
We're a disfunctional family.
Then a shot rang out and Barney hit the floor,
No more fucking dinosaur.

5. 



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