Today's jokes [1.9.21]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 
17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go 
to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to 
him, "So, tell me, how was it?"
"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love 
almost every night, we--"
His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost 
every night?"
"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love 
Tuesday..." 

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could still use them. 

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked 
when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her 
at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex 
again -- the strain would be too much. 
The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny 
over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs 
on the couch to guard against temptation. 
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other 
on the stairs -- she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. 
"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. 
"I was about to commit suicide." 
"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming 
upstairs to kill you!" 

A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in a box!

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   January '21 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31