Today's jokes [1.12.21] Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicoloured hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewellery and his earring are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at you old fart...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son."
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. " Hi, is Tony home?" " No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" " No, come in." They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. " Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend. "I gave a poor beggar $25." "Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?" "He said, 'Thank you'. "
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