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Today's jokes [1.11.21]

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A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going
into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"



1. 




This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an 
antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of 
crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing 
the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish 
genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy 
thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and 
surrounded by cunt."
In an instant he is turned into a tampon.
Now the morale of this story is:
Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.


2. 




There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. 

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound 
like a frog, Grandpappy? 
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really 
want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will
you please make a sound like a frog?" 
Grandpa again says, "No, not now.  I don't really want to do that.  
I'm in a grumpy mood.  Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... 
Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa 
asked. 

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when
you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

3. 




One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did 
not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked 
him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about 
getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry 
about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway". 
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl 
and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because 
I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the 
scent of burning rubber."

4. 




A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn
out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his
apartment. 
He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the
other. He realizes that the first one might get bored
watching, so he her asks what she'd like to do. 
She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love
to play your trombone." 
So she plays it while he screws her sister. 
A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's
apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop
up and see that guy." 
The other girl says, "Gee...do you think he'd remember us?" 


5. 



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