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Today's jokes [9.2.20]

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Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down 
two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned 
to NATO's base.

1. 




A man walks into a shoe store... 
 ...and tries on a pair of shoes. 
 "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. 
"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man. 
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the
mans feet. 
"Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk. 
Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

2. 




Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this 
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job 
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the 
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, 
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???" 



3. 




Father Goose Story No. 8



     There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around
the country dancing in clubs and theaters.  They were called
the Steppers.  At one club, the Steppers did such a good job
of pulling in patrons that the management gave them all the
drinks they could drink after the show.

     Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town,
they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party
to the bus.  As they rode down the highway, you could here their
yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.

     At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake.  It was a viper, and it's name was Peter.  That
night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket.  It was the bus
carrying the Steppers still having their party.  But Peter didn't
know that.  In his confusion, he thought he was back in deep dark
Africa being pursued by Pygmies.  He slithered out of his snake
house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed the
highway just in front of the bus.  The bus driver, who was a little
sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the road, and mistook him for a giant log.
He swerved, and the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers
lying everywhere.

     The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".



4. 




A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,
finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.
Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud
physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that
does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry
way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to
thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sex
fourteen times in eight days!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does
your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!"

5. 



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