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Today's jokes [6.6.20]

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Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. 
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that 
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. 

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the 
reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and 
when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to 
manage as best she could."

1. 




Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were
greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got 
knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates 
chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick,
so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good
news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.
"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.
"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.
"And the bad news?"
"Mine died"

2. 




Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time
and ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractive
young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.
When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over
to his place.

They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and
proceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quite
concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked
cars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reach
Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds
to smash into parked cars as he's parking his.

As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do you
like my feminine side?" 

3. 




Father Goose Story No. 6

Two guys were stranded on a desert island.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
 ...  They had left no tern unstoned.

4. 




A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right
thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits,
and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said
that he had discovered the main problem. 
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,
and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "this
is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" 
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what
time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

5. 



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