Today's jokes [6.27.20]
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This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in
the door he says,
rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually
ask him what it was
he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off
looking confused. A
drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I
doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you
say, Tickle your
ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you
say, terribly nasty
weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people
on. Come on down
here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to
the end of the bar.
In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather
up your ass? She
said, ìexcuse me, what did you say?î He says, ìcan you believe this
Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up
from Yugoslavia by buyer
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
(Over 80% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
(58% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
(23% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
(3% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
(After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
Attendee: "I am from Australia."
Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
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