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Today's jokes [6.25.20]

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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

1. 




A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his 
testicles are.  "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he 
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything 
about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

2. 




If god had wanted us to run around naked,
we would have been born that way. 

3. 




Death row sing along

There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death 
by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards 
were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, 
he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something 
special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he 
wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it 
over with." 
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the 
guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I 
would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time 
through, with no interruptions." The guard nodded and told him to go 
ahead.
The inmate started..."One million bottles of beer on the wall......!"

4. 




Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

5. 



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