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Today's jokes [5.5.20]

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Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his 
first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my 
old truck in the corral," Joe began. 
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. 
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. 
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. 
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. 
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained. 
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. 
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said. 
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. 
"Pew," Charlie retorted. 
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down 
beside her."

1. 




Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down 
next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he 
asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder 
than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, 
wouldn't you say?"

2. 




BOSSES & TECHNOLOGY

Boss:  "My laptop computer is locked up.  Can you help?"
Dilbert:  "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to
reboot."
Boss:  "Oh, that's right."
Wally:  "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."

3. 




Commercial:

Do Seagulls Circle your house?
Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?
Do you make people vomit in the elevator?
Try FDS!
Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'



4. 




The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
   dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband
   had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed
   to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
   
   One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
   between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
   only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
   door and just kept ringing the bell.
   
   When the model answered, the wife fumed,"I would like to know why it
   is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
   
   "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
   helping none either."


5. 



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