Today's jokes [5.2.20]
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A woman was out shopping and her son was with her. They boy spotted a man
who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, " Momma, look at
the bowlegged man."
Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a
person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read
a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished
reading the play.
Finally he finished and his mom took him out again to the mall shopping.
Once again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last
So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are
these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"
What are 3 problems about being an egg?
You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face
is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Guess what? You're pregnant!
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you
help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well
the problem is that the
muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really
nothing I can do for
you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks
sadly, "And that
would be?" "Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the
muscles from the
trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks
about it silently then
says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex
again is too much,
let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and
healing, returned to the Doc
for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack
"healed and ready
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a
romantic evening for
his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town,
anticipating a happy
conclusion to the evening. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring
between his legs that
continued to the point of being painful. To release the pressure, Jack
placed his napkin on
his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his
pants, flipped the
napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and
then returned to his
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the
possibilities, said with a sly
smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it
again?" Jack groaned,
"Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of
balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the
check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said.
"Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo
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