Today's jokes [5.10.20]
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven,
but not at all happy with his accommodations.
He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his
only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The
lawyer immediately advised that he intended to
appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting
at least three years before his appeal could be
heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait
was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who
told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal
to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing
to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: "Why can
appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?"
The devil answered: "We have all of the judges."
A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a
naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches
he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect
penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She
replied, "What other way?"
A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her
senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my
child and I'll love it regardless."
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs."
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless."
"And it hasn't got any arms either."
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact,
your child is only a very, very big ear."
The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her
"Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?"
"There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."
Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as
fast as Rudolph,
he just couldn't stop as fast.
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