Today's stories [3.21.20]
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English comedian John Cleese, of Monty Python fame, was asked to describe
the difference between British and American people. In reply Cleese said
that there were three basic differences from the British viewpoint:
1. "We speak English and you don't."
2. "When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite
teams from other countries to play, as well."
3. "When you meet the head of state in Great Britain, you only have to go
down on one knee."
Can you imagine working for this organization? It has less than 550
employees with the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is?
It's the 535 members of The United States Congress;
the same group that cranks the laws designed to
keep the rest of us in line.
A Contender for the Darwin Awards
(Courtesy of the Japan Times -April 16, 1997)
"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of Pumping", a
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this
perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."
He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak
had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a
standard bicycle pump," he explained, inserting the nozzle far up their
rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This
act is a sin against God."
Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot
pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to
friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby
gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he
snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube
deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died
virtually instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman thought
she was watching a twilight firework display, and started clapping.
"We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When
that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly
exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something."
"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan," the
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital concluded. "Inflate your
tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt
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