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Today's stories [3.16.20]

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Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each
prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few
prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on
the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to
criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a
treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they
can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. 

1. 




A medieval Jewish astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite 
mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. 
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had 
brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded 
him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!" 

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him 
immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will 
die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will 
die three days later."

2. 




English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law.
This is our idea of useless legislation.

3. 



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