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Today's jokes [3.20.20]

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A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a 
rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and 
said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

1. 




Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"
"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for
dinner!"
"Really?"
Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I 
wanna eat it!'"



2. 




Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

3. 




Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married.
I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to
wear."

The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

4. 




One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took 
the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he 
wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched 
operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he 
told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep 
his testis pouch empty.
After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.
Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.
He said "Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I
scratch my balls, my eyes start watering."

5. 



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