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Today's jokes [3.10.20]

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   A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she
   sufferred from excessive
   flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done
   nothing about it until
   now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history,a process that
   took quite a while. At
   the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting
   here talking to you
   I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell." At
   this point, the Dr.
   scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the
   woman. "What's
   this?" she asked, "some pills?" "No", replied Dr Smyth, "that is a
   prescription for a
   hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
   


1. 




Two mates are having a chat over a beer.
"Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"
one bloke asks his friend.
"No way!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?"
"Fuck no!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

2. 




A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by
and the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some money for a fix." 
The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you,
little girl?" 
"I'm eight, sir." 
"Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?" 
"Since I was raped, sir, when I was four." 
"RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?" 
"I don't remember, I was drunk." 

3. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VIII
 
  Good: 
        You came home for a quickie
   Bad: 
        The postman had the same idea
 Worse: 
        You have to wait

4. 




A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. 
He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" 
"Don't Miss me, mister." 
"Well then, you better make it 13." 

5. 



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