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Today's jokes [2.7.20]

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A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't 
have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back 
to their new apartment after the wedding.

The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing 
practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, 
and the third a dentist.

They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married 
friends. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed
so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The 
ordinary guy decided to short sheet the bed, so that when they got 
into it their feet wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled 
and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.

A week later the 3 friends all received letters in the mail. "Dear 
friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the
bed collapsed, or the guy that short sheeted it, but I'm gonna kill
the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!" 


One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's 
driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into 
his pants and placed his cock in her hand.
She froze, jumped up and said, "I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!"
Then he said, "I've got two words for you, LET GO!".


What's the difference between a lawyer and a

You should take your workboots off before
you jump on a trampoline.


What is the meaning of life?

All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.


Three girls died and were brought to the gates of
heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted
by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you
must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?",
they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?",
he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got
married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I
got married but was not after I got married." "Very good",
said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with
every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere,

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
my room key."


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