Today's jokes [2.6.20]
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I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost
always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've
heard men refer to their "performance". Well, even these days I don't
have a lot of trouble with that.
But... since I'm now past fifty, the "encores" are getting tuffer and
Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned
to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great.
Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?'
says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'"
They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling
"What was that?" starts Hefner's friend.
"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."
A lady was in a hardware store looking at a
fishing poles. She asked the store manager how
much it was he said 'I am blind drop it on the
ground and i'll tell ya. She dropped it on the
ground.'Aahh that's 10.00.'
She bent down and let a big fart that everyone
heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she
picked it up. And went to pay for it. 'That
will be 20.00'
'But you said 10.00'
'10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly
Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned
umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President!
I said, Throw the first PITCH!"
Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?
A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.
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