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Today's jokes [2.5.20]

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Does DEC still make toasters...? They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?


Q: What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?

A: Bullshit


The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you
have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."


Shortest Book of the Month:
Ronald Reagan's "Memories"


                            Birth of a Candy Bar
     It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.  I saw Miss
     Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and
     Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey
     Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million
     Dollar Bar?"  Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll,
     and it was like Pure Almond Joy!  I couldn't help but grab her
     delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little
     Twix had the Red Hots.  It was all I could do to hold the Snicker
     and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat
     and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"  Soon she was
     fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long
     before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of
     the old Milky Way.  She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said,
     "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff."  I said "Look you little Reese's
     Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver.  Why don't you take my
     Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece
     of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)  She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack,
     you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong
     up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.  Well, I was
     giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the
     Starburst!  Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow
     Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.  Sure enough,
     nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth!


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