Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [2.4.20]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says. 
"What seems to be the problem?" 
"My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?" 
"Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?" 
"Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've 
got to help me!" 
"Er ... Why don't you take a lover?" 
"I have! I still don't get enough." 
"Take another lover." 
"I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!" 
"Gosh, that's an anomaly." 
"Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me 
I'm a whore!" 

1. 




Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his 
neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?"  

"Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."

"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe.  

"Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse.  But, if I 
don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as 
another."

2. 




What do jello and a woman have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

3. 




The First E-mail Of Paul To The Romans

                                        by John Carney



From: paul0426@tarsus.com (Paul, A Servant Of Jesus Christ)
To: allusers@rome.org
CC: s_peter@jol.com (Judaea Online)
Attachments: none
Subject: general teaching
Also posted to Usenet newsgroup alt.religion.heresy
 
Even using my off-line mail reader (Papyrus 6.2) the on-line and disk
space charges on my local dial-up Internet provider are outlandish,
so I'll have to keep this short.  :)
IMHO, the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the 
godlessness of men.  }:>
U, therefore, have no excuse to pass judgment. God will judge all.
BTW, Jews have no right to boast simply because of our ancestry. 
Circumcision  :(  is meaningful only if it is inward -- otherwise,
BFD.  Similarly, IBM owners have no right to boast simply because of
the customer support they receive.  In Him we are neither IBM nor
Gateway, Tandy nor Compaq.
None of us is righteous. As King David wrote:
 
KD>     There is no one righteous, not even one;
KD>     There is no one who understands, no one who seeks
KD>     God, no one who has not illegally copied his 
KD>     favorite game program for a friend.

But Abraham believed God, and so God credited it to him as *virtual*
righteousness.
But does this mean we should sin all we want?  No way!
We must live through the spirit. The law kills O-|-< but the spirit
gives life. Offer yourselves as living sacrifices to God. Submit to
the authority of your sysop and your Usenet newsgroup moderator. Pay
for shareware if you decide to keep using it. And don't flame
somebody for making a spelling error or failing to read the FAQ list.
Nothing is unclean to God, but if something is going to cause your
fellow Christian to sin, delete it from your hard drive.  Watch out
for those R- and X-rated .GIF files. 
I'm hoping to visit Rome later this year; save me a space on the
couch. CUL8er.  :)
 XXX   Papyrus 6.2   XXX Unregistered Test Drive Version XXX     {RAH}

--------------
John Carney is a staff writer for the _Shelbyville_ (Tenn., USA)
_Times-Gazette_ and an occasional contributor to _The Door_, a
magazine of religious satire and commentary.



4. 




What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

When the power goes off.



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 February '20 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
                  1  
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 29 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.