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Today's jokes [2.3.20]

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An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in
the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started
to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he
said "I want to know the person you hate the most"
The explorer said "That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?"
"I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you
wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount."
"OK, I wish for a billion dollars"
"Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion"
"I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis
courts, everything"
"Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish"
The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a
stick and said "Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death." 

1. 




How do faggots get a condom off? 

     They fart. 

2. 




How does every ethnic joke start?

By looking over your shoulder.

3. 




God, I was  wondering...how long is a  million years to you?"
God answered, "Son,  a million years to me is like a second to you."
So the man asks, "God  how much is a million dollars to you?"
And God  answered, "Son a  million dollars to me is like one penny to 
you."
So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God  answers, "Just a  second son."



4. 




   A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, I'm
   getting married and
   I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions."
   He says, "All right."
   She says, "All right...what is that thing that hangs between my
   fiancÚ's legs?" The doctor
   says, "That's the penis. The male organ, the penis." She says, "Okay.
   And what is that
   big red knob at the end?" The doctor says, "That's the glans. The head
   of the penis, the
   glans." She says, "Okay. And what are those two round things, about
   twelve inches
   behind the head?" The doctor says, "Well, lady, I don't know about
   your fiancÚ, but on
   me, they're the cheeks of my ass."
   


5. 



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