Today's jokes [2.19.20]
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An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old
girls house. One
day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting
the girl. He holds up
the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game,
and only boys can have a
football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her
mother, "I want a football!"
Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one.
The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on
his bike. She holds up
the football, "Nah Nah Nah Nah". The little boy angryly points to his
bike and says, "Oh
yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you
can't have one!" She
runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys
The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to
his most private of
parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you
one!!!". The next
day he walks by and asks her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which
she promptly pulls
up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me
that as long as I have
one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!
There was a blonde and a brunette in a car. The brunette hears a siren
behind them, so she asks the blonde if its lights are on. The blonde turns
around and says "yes, no, yes, no....."
The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't
have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"
The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change
the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him
struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe
for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a
supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a
train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find
a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train
looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was
room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking,
older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,
"can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat.
He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold
your dog if I can sit down", he said.
The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant".
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally
"Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with
not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your
The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you
are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog,
threw it out the window, and sat down.
The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat
spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the
lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot
of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your
fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out
of the window."
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her
he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a
tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather
have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I
have to adjust the chair."
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