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Today's jokes [2.10.20]

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communication
equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his
position or course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted
sign and held it in the helicopter's window.
The sign said "WHERE AM I"? in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign an held it in a building window. The sign said, "YOU ARE IN A
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer
to SEATAC ( Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE
IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "
I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a
technically correct but completely useless answer".


Why do priests wear shorts in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed.


Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a 
city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's 
that, Miss?"
Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your 
Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy."
Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that 
ain't a fucking pig!"


Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
          a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head 
so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
          b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
          c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a 
roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.


   Mr Smith goes downstairs in the morning and his doorman says, "Mr
   Smith, how are you?" Smith says, "I feel great." Doorman says, "But
   you look terrible!" Smith says, "But I feel great."
   When Smith gets to the office, his secretary asks him how he is. He
   says, "I feel great!" She says, "But you look terrible." He says, "But
   I feel great." Smith goes to lunch with his friend and they have just
   the same conversation. His friend insists that he goes to the doctor
   and so that is what Mr Smith does.
   The doctor asks what the problem is. Smith says, "I feel great but I
   look terrible." Dr says, "I don't know that ailment so I'll look in my
   medical book." The doctor takes out a huge tome. "Feels great, looks
   terrible..." he says as he turns the pages, "Feels great, looks
   terrible.... Feels gre... I've got it!! You're a vagina!"


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