Today's stories [11.10.20]
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Zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang wins "Worst Job in
Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo,has set
up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.
The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang's,
starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because
a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's
easier to collect the sperm.
Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and
tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from
Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature
and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect
place to work.
"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed
first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most
famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and
sporting a huge erection.
Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the
enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2
minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang
Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass
verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of
gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..."
Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous
"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.
Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.
"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed,
faraway look in his eyes.
Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the
afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros,
giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is different,"
he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear
"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is
the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to
use both my arms to tug on it." "As you can expect it's really
affecting my sex life.
I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating
hippos keep floating through my mind."
How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director
Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.
"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over
every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be
bothered to engage in real sex."
Following the initiatives of the Afghan Taliban
government - which has banned kite-flying, TV
watching and wearing white socks - Iran is also
cracking down on its more decadent citizens.
Ayatollah Mohammed Yadzi has decreed that dog
walking is to be made illegal, saying that
taking dogs out onto the streets was 'a public
insult', as it was a blind imitation of Westerners.
If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls,
forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support
them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the
bride's and groom's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he
said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the
bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that
was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man
having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the
two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After
he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of
minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned
to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I'm out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we
found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding
and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and
trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of
friends, family, grandparents, etc.
This is his world, we just live in it.
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