Today's jokes [11.9.20]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said,
"Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?"
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at
Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner.
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
"Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with
"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie.
Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and
checked in with Marie.
The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in
"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John.
He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing,
said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have
to smoke and drink to have a good time.
Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?
She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.
What's the difference between a duck and a cow?
They both swim, except for the cow.
A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a
naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she
slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was
lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the
hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much
appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."
The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all
assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and
states, "I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news."
Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the
Pope tells them, "Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of
judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified."
After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up,
asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, "He was calling
from Salt Lake City."
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28